WHY SHOULD WE TAKE RELATIONSHIP WISDOM FROM SOLOMON?

Why Should We Take Relationship Wisdom from Solomon?

The obvious objection is this: Why should anyone listen to Solomon about relationships when Solomon had seven hundred wives, three hundred concubines, and allowed those relationships to turn his heart away from God? According to 1 Kings 11:1–8, Solomon became a tragic example of marital and spiritual unfaithfulness.

From a Biblical perspective, the answer begins with an important distinction:

We do not receive relationship wisdom from Solomon because Solomon was a perfect husband. We receive it because the Holy Spirit spoke true wisdom through an imperfect man.

Solomon’s authority does not rest upon the consistency of his life. It rests upon the inspiration of God’s Word.

1. God Specifically Gave Solomon Extraordinary Wisdom
When Solomon became king, he asked God for an understanding heart so that he could govern God’s people. God answered:

“Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you.” —1 Kings 3:12

First Kings 4:29 says: “God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding beyond measure.”

Solomon’s wisdom was not merely the product of age, experimentation, or natural intelligence. It was a gracious gift from God. He spoke about human behavior, family life, work, money, speech, sexuality, friendship, conflict, temptation, and covenant faithfulness because God had given him unusual insight into the order of creation and the human heart.

However, possessing wisdom is not the same as practicing wisdom.

A person can know the road and still refuse to walk it. A physician may know what promotes health while neglecting his own health. A preacher may proclaim truths that expose his own disobedience.

Solomon’s later failures do not prove that his wisdom was false. They prove that wisdom must be obeyed, not merely admired.

Wisdom possessed is not necessarily wisdom practiced.

2. The Authority of Scripture Rests upon God, Not the Human Author
This is the most important answer.

Paul writes: “All Scripture is breathed out by God.” —2 Timothy 3:16

Peter explains that biblical authors: “Spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.” —2 Peter 1:21

Biblical theology teaches that God used real human authors with their personalities, vocabularies, experiences, strengths, and weaknesses, while sovereignly ensuring that what they wrote was His trustworthy Word.

The Westminster Confession states:

“The authority of the Holy Scripture…dependeth not upon the testimony of any man or church, but wholly upon God, the author thereof.” —Westminster Confession of Faith 1.4

Therefore, Song of Solomon, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes do not become authoritative because Solomon lived perfectly. They are authoritative because God inspired and preserved them as Scripture.

If moral perfection were required before someone could speak God’s truth, there would be no human authors of Scripture.

Moses lost his temper.
David committed adultery and murder.
Peter denied Christ.
Paul had persecuted the church.
Yet God spoke through sinful, redeemed, imperfect servants.

The messenger’s sin may contradict the message, but it does not cancel the truthfulness of the message when God Himself is its ultimate author.

3. Solomon’s Failure Does Not Disprove His Wisdom; It Demonstrates What Happens When Wisdom Is Ignored

Solomon’s life is not only a source of wisdom. It is also a warning.
Long before Solomon became king, God commanded Israel’s kings:

“He shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away.” —Deuteronomy 17:17

Solomon violated that command dramatically. First Kings 11 records the result: “His wives turned away his heart.”

Solomon’s failure was not caused by following biblical relationship wisdom. It was caused by rejecting it.

His many wives were not evidence that biblical monogamy failed. They were evidence that Solomon abandoned God’s design for monogamous covenant faithfulness.

His divided household produced a divided heart, and his divided heart helped produce a divided kingdom.

Therefore, Solomon’s biography strengthens the warning contained in his writings:

• Guard your heart.
• Flee sexual temptation.
• Delight in the spouse of your covenant.
• Do not awaken love carelessly.
• Do not allow rival loves to capture your affections.
• Do not trade covenant faithfulness for momentary desire.

Solomon’s ruins preach as loudly as his proverbs.

Disobedience does not turn truth into falsehood; it turns truth into an indictment.

His life tells us, “Do not merely know what I knew. Obey what God has said.”

4. Solomon’s Relationship Wisdom Agrees with the Rest of Scripture

We should never build a doctrine of relationships upon one isolated verse or one person’s experience. Biblical theology interprets Scripture with Scripture.

The relationship wisdom associated with Solomon agrees with the Bible’s larger teaching.

Covenant Exclusivity
Genesis says: “A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” —Genesis 2:24

Jesus reaffirmed this pattern in Matthew 19:4–6.

The Song reflects this exclusivity: “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” —Song of Solomon 6:3

Marital Delight
Proverbs encourages a husband: “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” —Proverbs 5:18

The Song celebrates the same affectionate, embodied, exclusive delight between husband and wife.

Sexual Restraint
The Song repeatedly warns: “Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” —Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4

That agrees with the New Testament’s call to purity, self-control, and sexual intimacy within marriage.

Covenant Permanence
The bride declares: “Set me as a seal upon your heart…for love is strong as death.” —Song of Solomon 8:6

Jesus teaches: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” —Matthew 19:6

Sacrificial Love
The mature self-giving love described in the Song finds its fullest marital expression in Paul’s command:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” —Ephesians 5:25

We do not trust Solomon’s relationship wisdom because it stands alone. We trust it because it harmonizes with the creational, covenantal, and redemptive teaching of the entire Bible.

5. The Wisdom Is Rooted in God’s Creation Order, Not Solomon’s Personal Experiments
Solomon did not invent marriage, sexuality, attraction, or covenant love.

God created them.
Before there was sin, there was marriage.
Before there was lust, there was desire.
Before there was adultery, there was covenant intimacy.

Genesis 2 shows that marriage belongs to God’s good creation. The man and woman were created for a relationship involving companionship, covenant, bodily union, and mutual delight.

The Song of Solomon celebrates these created goods. It teaches that:

• Physical attraction is not inherently sinful.
• Sexual desire is not dirty.
• The body is God’s creation.
• Marital intimacy is a gift.
• Desire must be governed by wisdom.
• Love must be protected by covenant.
• Affection should be expressed, not merely assumed.
• Marriage requires exclusivity.
• Love must be cultivated like a garden.
• Small threats must be addressed before they destroy the vineyard.

These truths do not arise from Solomon’s later corruption. They arise from God’s design for human beings.

Sin did not create romance or sexuality. Sin distorted them. Scripture does not abolish these gifts; it restores them to their proper place under God’s rule.

6. Solomon Shows That Great Knowledge Cannot Save a Sinful Heart

Solomon’s story fits the Biblical doctrine of human depravity.

The human problem is not merely ignorance. We do not sin only because we lack information. We often sin even when we know exactly what is right.

Solomon possessed extraordinary wisdom, but wisdom alone could not keep his heart.

He knew that adultery destroys.
He knew that sexual temptation promises pleasure but brings death.
He knew that a king must not multiply wives.
He knew that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Yet he wandered.

That teaches us something profoundly important: We need more than relationship advice. We need redemption.

A person can read every marriage book, attend every seminar, learn every communication technique, and still remain proud, selfish, lustful, defensive, controlling, or unforgiving.
Our deepest relationship problem is not a lack of technique. It is the presence of sin.

We do not merely need better principles. We need:

• New hearts
• Forgiveness
• Repentance
• The Holy Spirit
• Union with Christ
• Daily mortification of sin
• Daily renewal in grace

Solomon can describe wise love, but Solomon cannot give us the power to love wisely.
That power comes through Christ.

7. Solomon’s Failure Protects Us from Turning Wisdom into Moralism

A merely moralistic reading of the Song might say: “Follow these principles, make good choices, and you will have a perfect relationship.”

But Solomon’s life warns us that knowing principles does not guarantee faithfulness, and even wise people can fall grievously.

Preaching must never reduce Scripture to relationship techniques:

• Communicate better.
• Choose the right person.
• Establish boundaries.
• Make time for each other.
• Resolve conflict.
• Keep romance alive.

Those principles may be helpful, but they cannot justify us, regenerate us, or sanctify us apart from Christ.

The gospel does not say, “Become good enough at relationships, and God will accept you.” The gospel says, “Christ has loved the unlovely, died for covenant breakers, risen from the grave, and gives His Spirit to those who trust Him.”

Biblical relationship wisdom should lead us not to self-confidence but to dependence upon grace.

The proper response is not: “I can build the perfect marriage.”

It is: “Lord, apart from You, I cannot love another sinner faithfully. Forgive me, change me, and teach me to love as Christ has loved me.”

8. The Song Presents a Love Far Different from Solomon’s Harem

The Song of Solomon does not celebrate a man collecting women for his pleasure. It celebrates focused, mutual, exclusive affection.

The woman is not portrayed as an anonymous object in a royal collection. She speaks, desires, evaluates, longs, remembers, searches, and expresses love. The relationship is personal and reciprocal.

The repeated language is not: “You are one among a thousand.”

It is: “My beloved is mine, and I am his.”

The Song’s portrait of love stands in judgment over Solomon’s later life.

In the Song, love is:

• Personal rather than exploitative
• Mutual rather than one-sided
• Exclusive rather than promiscuous
• Patient rather than impulsive
• Tender rather than coercive
• Covenantally sealed rather than casually consumed
• Priceless rather than purchased

Song of Solomon 8:7 says: “If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.”

That is especially striking in connection with a king who possessed enormous wealth and power. Genuine love cannot be bought, accumulated, or controlled by royal authority.

Solomon may have acquired many women, but acquisition is not the same as covenant love.

A person may possess access to bodies and still not possess the intimacy celebrated in the Song.

9. Scripture Often Uses a Person’s Words to Judge That Person’s Life

The Bible does not attempt to protect its heroes from embarrassment. It allows their own words to expose them.

David wrote about righteousness, mercy, and purity, and then his sin with Bathsheba revealed how desperately he needed the mercy he proclaimed.

Peter confessed that Jesus was the Christ and then denied knowing Him.

Solomon taught covenant faithfulness and then violated it.

This honesty is one reason Scripture is so trustworthy. The Bible does not give us polished legends about flawless people. It tells the truth about sinners under the providence of God.
Solomon’s wisdom judges Solomon.

That is not a defect in Scripture. It is part of Scripture’s design.

The Word of God stands above every biblical character. No king, prophet, apostle, preacher, or theologian is master over the Word. The Word examines them all.

The principle is: The church does not judge Scripture; Scripture judges the church.

Likewise, Solomon does not authenticate the wisdom of Scripture by his conduct. Scripture evaluates Solomon’s conduct by the wisdom of God.

10. Solomon Points beyond Himself to the Greater Solomon

Jesus said: “Behold, something greater than Solomon is here.” —Matthew 12:42

Solomon was wise, but Jesus is the wisdom of God.
Solomon taught faithfulness but became unfaithful.
Jesus is perfectly faithful.
Solomon allowed rival loves to divide his heart.
Jesus loved His Father with an undivided heart.
Solomon used royal privilege to acquire many brides.
Jesus surrendered royal privilege and gave Himself for one bride—the church.
Solomon’s relationships contributed to the decline of his kingdom.
Christ’s covenant love establishes an everlasting kingdom.

Solomon could write: “Love is strong as death.”

Jesus proved that divine love is stronger than death.

Christ entered the grave for His bride and rose again. He did not merely tell us how covenant love should behave. He embodied covenant love completely:

“Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” —Ephesians 5:25

The Biblical approach therefore does not end with Solomon.
We listen to Solomon, but we look to Christ.
Solomon gives us wisdom about covenant love.
Solomon’s failure shows us our need for redeeming love.
Christ is the faithful Bridegroom who forgives our failures and empowers us to love.

An Important Qualification

Taking relationship wisdom from Solomon does not mean treating everything Solomon did as wise.

We must distinguish among:

1. What Solomon taught under divine inspiration
2. What the biblical narrative records him doing
3. What God’s Word says about what he did

The fact that Scripture describes Solomon’s polygamy does not mean Scripture approves it. Historical description is not necessarily moral prescription.

We do not reason: “Solomon had many wives; therefore many wives are acceptable.”

We reason: “God designed marriage as a covenant between one man and one woman; Solomon violated that design, and Scripture records the devastating consequences.”

We receive the inspired wisdom.
We reject the sinful example.
We learn from the consequences.
We look to Christ for grace.

Three Filters for Reading Solomon’s Relationship Wisdom
When studying Solomon, use these three filters.

1. Inspiration

Ask: What is God teaching through this inspired text?
The authority belongs to God, not to Solomon’s personal perfection.

2. Canon

Ask: How does this teaching agree with the rest of Scripture?
Interpret Song of Solomon and Proverbs alongside Genesis, the Law, the Prophets, the teaching of Jesus, and the apostolic writings.

3. Christ

Ask: How does this text expose our need for and find its fulfillment in Christ?
Relationship wisdom shows us what love should be. The gospel shows us where forgiving, transforming, covenant-keeping love is ultimately found.